This year will mark the first Thanksgiving that I will not be in the country, and so will not be able to partake in my tradition of watching movies and falling asleep on a couch (I don't care whose). So I decided to repost, for all two of you who still read me, a slightly re-edited version (now with pictures!) of my suggestions for a post-Thanksgiving, pre-triptophan-induced-coma movie marathon. I still stand by these picks, for better or worse. Enjoy!
You watch movies, of course!
Sure, you can just throw in whatever you have in from netflix but you don't want to get stuck watching some crap film you missed in the theatres only to find out that there was good reason you skipped it. Maximizing your sloth requires being as comfortable as possible. Comfort requires certain types of film and certain simple criteria that must be adhered to in order to really get the most out of your time while pretending you're paralyzed.
Rule #1 - You cannot watch something you watch regularly. For me, this knocks out 75% of my DVD collection, and I clock in at well over 300 by now. So no Shaun of the Dead, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc., for me, for example.
Rule #2 - At least one of the movies must be something at least one person you're watching with has never seen... unless you're by yourself. You don't want to sit alone watching a movie that you might hate. Don't take that chance. This is about comfort.
Rule #3 - Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule, as Peter Venkman said. Try to make the picks as diverse as possible.
Rule #4 - No E.T., The Wizard of Oz, or It's a Wonderful Life. I don't give a fuck. No offense to them - they're all great - but goddammit, you've seen them over 1000 times... unless of course, you haven't seen them, in which case how were you able to drag that DVD player back to the rock you live under? No Princess Bride either. You know every line.
Rule #5 - There must be at least one movie older than you on the list.
Rule #6 - Try not to pick something that will rouse you out of your impending triptophan coma. Movies with explicit sex and/or graphic violence are a bad idea. No horror movies, as those go better with Halloween. And no porn. NO PORN! You don't want to divert the blood from your stomach to... anywhere else. Bad for the digestion.
Rule #7 - Arguably, the most important one: Nothing that makes you think too hard. Bad time to finally sit down and watch Syriana or Andrei Rublev.
Rule #8 - No more than one movie in a series. You're either watching Raiders or Last Crusade. Not both. (Unless you're making a theme and plan to stick to it. However, if you do go the Indiana Jones route, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is optional.)
A lot of rules, yes but you'll thank me for it, I promise. Also, owning a 5-disc player would be ideal so you spend less time getting up and exerting energy in order to change discs. You don't want to wear yourself out. The smart thing to do is to get the discs ready on Wednesday night so you can just plop down Thursday afternoon/evening and just press play.
Here's a good example of what my Thanksgiving 5 might look like:
Disc 1 - King Kong (1933 or 2005)
Either way, you're going to get a great film. The most impressive thing about the original Kong is that, even almost 75 years later, the effects hold up. They're not state of the art now but Kong was The Matrix for 1933. Peter Jackson's remake from 2005 is just as much, if not more, fun and the visual effects are some of the best ever put on film (though there are a few that aren't so hot, the result of rushing to make the Christmas 2005 release). When you take into account that virtually everything in the last 30 minutes of the movie is CGI, you start to realize the brilliance of it. It's a veritable potpourri of fanboy pants-wetting goodness. And as an added bonus, you can snooze through the first 45-50 minutes of the remake if you really need to; you won't miss any of the good stuff.
Best scene (for both versions): The Kong/T-Rex fight and the sequence that precedes it. Bad. Ass.
Alternate pick: Frankenstein (1931)/Bride of Frankenstein
Disc 2 - Planes, Trains and Automobiles
The best Thanksgiving movie that ever was and ever will be. Steve Martin and John Candy on the road trip from hell. It never seems to rank among the funniest movies ever but I don't think I've ever met anyone who doesn't love it. And it's highly quotable too: "If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak."
Best scene: Steve Martin spewing profanities at Mrs. Poole from The Hogan Family; if not for that scene, this R-rated movie would have been an easy PG. We should all be grateful that it wasn't cut.
Alternate pick: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (there really aren't any other good Thanksgiving movies... at least not until Eli Roth makes good on his Grindhouse promise)
Disc 3 - Love Actually
Yeah, that's right. I said it. I like Love Actually. A lot. Almost love it. It's cheesy, it's sappy, it's improbable beyond belief but I really like this movie. I hate myself for liking Richard Curtis rom-coms but, well, he used to write for Rowan Atkinson on Blackadder and Mr. Bean so I'm a fan from way back. And it's set in the six weeks leading up to Christmas, so it's a perfect film to get you in the holiday mood. And it's like Magnolia as a romantic comedy. What's not to like?
I'm sorry, I missed that. What?
*sigh*
You know what? Fuck you! Get off my back, alright? If you're gonna be like that, suck my balls!
Best scene: Any scene with Bill Nighy.
Alternate pick: About a Boy
Disc 4 - Yi Yi (A One and a Two)
I feel secure in redeeming myself for the previous pick with this one. Better to diversify your movies and you have to have at least one foreign film in there. This one is for the more patient post-Thanksgiving movie watchers... or invalids. Clocking in at just under three hours, this story following several generations of a Taiwanese family is deliberately paced... not slow, but deliberately paced. It's also one of the best films of this decade. But again, not unless you know you'll be able to stay awake; then, go with Amelie. (MINOR SPOILER ALERT) And Yang-Yang, the little boy, doesn't die in the pool, so don't freak during that scene, okay?
Best scene: When Yang-Yang falls for the girl in school that gives him shit all the time. It's boyhood crushdom depicted perfectly.
Alternate pick: Eat Drink Man Woman
Disc 5 - The Philadelphia Story
I had originally put Casablanca on this list back in 2006 but, in retrospect, I realize that it's one of those films like E.T. or It's a Wonderful Life. It's too well-known. The Philadelphia Story, on the other hand, is a perfect screwball comedy. They just don't make 'em like this anymore. The trifecta of Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart, all in their prime and all with razor-sharp comedic timing, is damn near unstoppable but the unsung hero of this film is young Virginia Weidler who plays Hepburn tween sister Dinah. Very few 12-year-olds today have the chops for comedy that she did and it's a shame that she was forced into obscurity largely because of Shirley Temple. Weidler deserved a longer and bigger career than she had. Literally every line she has in The Philadelphia Story is comedy gold.
Best scene: Pretty much any one scene will do.
Alternate pick: It Happened One Night
Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
